The Smart Woman: A tribute to my grandmothers

The Smart Woman:

One who chooses courage in spite of fears;
One who chooses forgiveness when it is easy to judge;
One who chooses peace in the midst of chaos;
One who chooses joy when sorrow can easily prevail;
One who chooses gratitude in the face of adversity;
One who chooses to be human when it is easy not to be;
One who chooses acceptance when intolerance abounds;
One who chooses to give when taking feels instinctive;
One who chooses to learn knowing life is a mystery;
One who chooses humility when the self is hard to tame;
One who chooses laughter when self-pity takes its toll;
One who chooses Love, sees Love, gives Love, feels Love
in all and for all. One who loves her maximum.


~ Elizabeth A. Garcia-Gray MD


*** To my grandmothers: a tribute to the smartest women I know. I send you both my love up there in heaven.

On Children and Parents

Kahlil Gibran, the well-loved philosopher and writer
from Lebanon and author of The Prophet, said it well:
That "our children are the sons and daughters of
Life's longing for itself." They are not our possessions
and we do not own them. They have their own thoughts.
We can only love them.

In the present scuttle-buttle of life, parents
are forced to juggle work, caring for their own
parents and other family members, and raising their
children. Many times, working parents may feel guilty
about not being able to parent the way they want to
because their household requires two incomes to survive.
On the other hand, mothers or fathers who stay at home
to care for their children also feel guilty for feeling
some resentments about what they feel are personal
sacrifices for having tossed aside their own career dreams.
Then there are those parents who accept the
choices they made in terms of either staying at home or
being part of the workforce who feel at peace with
themselves. Some alternate between feeling guilty and
peaceful about their choices.

Our children are the biggest miracles of our lives.
They love us with inherent innocence.
Their lives teach us to be the the most selfless we can
ever be. They keep us honest, compassionate and humble.
Their joy and sorrow become ours. Their pain, our pain.
And no matter what, with instinctive unconditionality,
we love them. And would risk our lives for them if we had
to. What greater love can we give as parents?

The bond between children and parents surpass the
imagination. Many times it is still there in spite of the
most traumatic circumstances from parental abuse, neglect,
chemical dependency and mental illness. When our children
go astray, become ill, rebel, or end up the midst of chaos,
most of us parents continue to cloak our children with
the best love we know how. Many times, children and parents
have to love each other from afar because of what may
be painful situations.

Our children belong to the Divine Archer who shoots
life forward into the future. As the fruit does not
fall far from the tree, thus, all of us as children
of God do not fall far from the Creator. All children
biological or not, are our children. All parents are our
parents. Both children and parents do not fall far from
the heart of unconditional love.

**I thank my children to the utmost for inspiring me and
teaching me the depth of unconditional love. I thank my parents
for bringing me into a world where love abounds in all
its mysterious forms.

Heart of the Mission - The Katrina

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's
grief. Do justly now. Live mercy now. Walk humbly
now. You are not obliged to complete the work.
But neither are you free to abandon it."

~ from the Talmud


I remember Katrina. The month of September, 2005.
The ocean of people in the Houston Reliant Arena, the Dome
and the Convention Center. How I ended up there is still a blur.
I was on my second day of vacation in Oregon. The phone call
from Houston about needing help within 24-48 hours was compelling.
I could not turn a blind eye especially after I saw what was
happening to the New Orleans evacuees on the news. But what a
fateful gift to have met so many people whose hearts were bigger
than the homes they lost and the suffering they went through.
To work alongside those whose kindness and compassion will
never be forgotten. Disasters can bring out the worst and the best
in us. The circumstances were the worst. Most of the people were
the best.

I remember a sick, listless, little African- American
baby boy in the arms of his doting grandmother outside the Dome.
The boy's mother had died during the hurricane in New Orleans.
The grandmother was weary and overwhelmed. What else can she do
but do what she can to nurture the baby. She is all he has. But
in her fatigue, she did not realize that the baby was dehydrated
and more ill than she could imagine. He was also feverish and
had diarrhea. Bless his heart. And hers. I requested for her to
please take the baby to the Dome immediately to be checked by
the pediatricians. She did. And she responded quickly after I
told her I was a physician. Another doctor and I were monitoring
some of the evacuees just outside the Dome. They were traumnatized
at the New Orleans Dome and were hesitant to go into the Houston
Dome. We followed up with them shortly. The baby was evaluated and
had to be quarantined.

I remember the look on the grandmother's face while
a volunteer nurse was rocking the baby behind the make-shift
quarantine area. Though the grandmother appeared understandably
concerned and exhausted, she was able to force a smile when
she saw the other doctor and me. Something about her eyes and
the worried yet thankful look on her face got to the heart of me.
She represents many mothers, grandmothers and people who give the
best love they can in the worst of circumstances. She epitomized
those who still give of themselves when it seems they can not give
anymore.

I remember the baby. He resembled many of the sick babies
in Africa who desperately need care. I know this baby got the best
care in the most chaotic situation. He received care from doctors
and nurses who responded and volunteered. From those who did not
look away. Many times, we do truly serve best during worst scenarios.
I don't know if the baby lived. I know that he had a better chance of
being alive after he was seen by specialists. We followed
up with them shortly. In my mind's eye, in my fervent wish, I
visualize him with his eyes wide open, looking robust, healthy and
smiling at his grandmother. I still pray for both of them. They will both
remain in my heart, along with all the evacuees and volunteers who
suffered the effects of the Katrina. I remember their pain. I remember
their fears. I remember their incredible strength of spirit.
May inner peace prevail in their hearts.

Why Do We Volunteer?

"Not in Vain"

If I can stop one heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life the aching
Or cool one pain
Or help a fainting robin
Unto his nest again
I shall not live in vain.

~ by Emily Dickinson


There comes a time in our lives when we become cognizant
of the gratitude we feel for everything we are and have become.

"To those much is given, much is expected."

Even though many have suffered disasters, losses, and
tragedies, there are those people - the ones I call "Phoenix Miracle"
people - who rise from their ashes of despair and give hope and light
to others. These are the extraordinary people who face their spiritual
challenges to find meaning and discernment in what they learned
from the uncontrollable vicissitudes of life that rendered them
powerless. They heal, stand up, soar, and take action to spread
"the wisdom to know the difference" to shine their lights on other
souls who may be in need.

People not only volunteer because they went through tragedies
and losses. Many volunteer because they have it in their loving hearts
to serve others. Most of us grew up with spiritual tenets upholding
love of God and others as the principal mandates of goodness.
Volunteerism is a noble avenue to give of one's self. And to give of
our selves is the height of what Love is about.

In volunteerism lies the spirit of altruistc humanity in people.
It is the act of compassion and loving kindness towards others even if
we fall way short of absolute goodness by virtue of being human beings.
To volunteer is to be connected with people in our profundity. And it
is in this connection that we learn to appreciate the significance of
our very existence. To volunteer is to "till our souls", to move our
spirits, to offer our selves, to launch us towards our higher purpose.

To volunteer: To serve. To care. To love.

Volunteerism and Service: Love in action.



(More about volunteerism in my book "THE COURAGE TO ENCOURAGE"
soon to be published. I invite you to my book website:
http://www.GARCIAGRAY.com

The Pearl

I saw heaven
in the face of sorrow
The shimmering light
broke through
the abyss

Out of nowhere and
from everywhere

The sudden peace
The sudden calm
The sudden joy

Unexpected yet
deeply expected

Cloistered
in the oyster
A pearl
of iridescent
hope

Dive for your heaven
It is in the sea
Of doubts, of despair
Of uncertainty

Hold the pearl
in your hands
and chaos dissipates
into eternity

Now heaven is
within the chambers
of your soul

Forever born
Forever loved
Forever more

The Orchid

"When you reach the heart of life, you shall find beauty in all
things, even in the eyes that are blind to beauty."

~ Kahlil Gibran


The serene beauty of the Phalaenopsis orchid can mesmerize and touch my soul. It does not have to do much. But it is just there . Mindful. Sensitive. A presence untainted by the speed of life. Its graceful composure and sweet countenance emanate tranquility. Every morning, just before I leave home, I gaze briefly at the creamy white blooms which now form a delicate arch while gently leaning on a little bamboo stick. A meditative moment. A supple wave of inner peace and gratitude permeates within me. I smile to myself remembering to treasure life's simplicity and inherent goodness in spite of trials and tribulations.

While at work, I carry the orchid in my psyche. This exotic flower has illuminated the rainforests of the Philippines, Costa Rica, Africa and other parts of the world with its enchanting colors and unsurpassed loveliness. In spite of the harsh elements, it not only thrives. It blossoms. It reminds me of the thought that "It is in our vulnerability that we find our strength." The orchid also knows how to flex, curve and lean on other plants to help maintain itself. This is no different from finding the courage within us to ask for help when necessary to remain balanced and centered. And once the orchid is vibrantly in full bloom, it exudes its unparalleled and compassionately tender nature to those around. Its essence is a constant reminder of what is pure and innocent in our hearts. That blissful calm that I feel in contemplating an orchid, whether in my mind or in reality, is a soothing balm to a soul challenged to the core by destiny's circumstances.

Back home from work, it is the same orchid that I first see as soon as I open my door. It sits there beguilingly on my round glass table, with its petals open like an artful embrace. I momentarily reflect upon the day, my family, my friends, my work. The orchid's fascinating allure evokes within me the value of seeing beauty in people's hearts and to quietly accept come what may. It reminds me that only a force much greater than anyone or anything can create such impeccable subtlety. This simple yet exquisite flower could only have been ideated by the spiritual splendor of Love itself.